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[Recap] Styled By June, Season 1, Episode 2

June Ambrose has styled your favorite artists, and now she’s on TV showing how the creative process unfolds!

Grab your purple doobie and styling gel, Class is in session!

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Juneiverse!

This week, she has a dinner date with her newest client, self proclaimed “Baddest B!tch” Trina, who wants to revamp her sexy look for a more crossover appeal.

*side eye*

She has a meeting with her team [Eli, Rachel, and @TukieB] as they discuss how they’re going to revamp Trina’s look without compromising her integrity.

And we’ve all seen Trina’s integrity on many occasions!

As they boomkack for their lives, [in Louboutin heels] us viewers come to the realization, that if Trina’s crossover appeal doesn’t work out, she always has a back-up career as

MAINTENANCE WOMAN!

Don’t be mad! Do your thang Katrina Laverne!

Trina then makes an unexpected visit to June’s office and her face goes from happy camper

to:

a side eye surly stank face! She’s not feeling these high-fashion looks at all.

Shearling jackets are banned at Boys and Girls High School, and they’re surely banned from Trina’s closet! Numerous wildlife animals died making those garments, and we will have no part of it!

What will Rasheeda think  of her now?

These next images are not for the faint of heart. If you are a stylist, or fashionista these images may induce rage, strained race relations or the need to whisper your favorite psalm to yourself.

I know stylists who will declare #WAR if something like this were to ever happen!

Their sense of urgency is commondable!

Tukie’s is moving faster than Precious when she stole that chicken!

Trina is obviously worried about June’s styling choices, [we trust June though] but if she wants to make a successful crossover move, she needs to allow herself to be guided, and not put up a fight at every corner.

After a semi-convincing pep talk from June, Trina allows her hair to be styled from the gentleman with the Indian remy ponytail down the middle.

And we have to admit, the hair looks GOOD!

GLAM SLAM!

Shit gets real in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,

When June questions why one of the garments are dirty, her assistants start getting nervous…

With the exception of Rachel, who dirtied the clothes and is now nowhere to be found.

The way her stylists told her the truth was shady, they should have been upfront about the issue at hand.

However, we were still on the fence about this look. I guess we too were used to Trina looking like the head stripper at Scores. After a closer look though, we definitely appreciate where June took it.

She has a sit down with stay away Rachel, who was not present at the photo shoot, and lets her know how she let her team down [and got $500,000 worth of clothes dirty]

Trina hits up an event, that will showcase her new music and new look. Needless to say, the people waiting outside are very impressed.

Job well done!

On stage, Trina goes from nervous beginner

to

Trina looks amazing, and it feels good to see that June has her best interest at heart! She felt that Trina was worth an over the top edgy look, and she made sure that she delivered!

Are you?

-STAY FLY!

[@NIIICELOOKSEAN]

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[Recap] Basketball Wives, Season 4, Episode 6

That green eyeshadow is reminiscent of Jamaican leaves in the summer time. Embrace the Covergirl Queen Collection in you!

And you thought the battle between Kesha and Tami was something. Looks like Kenya vs. Evelyn is going to be a battle to the death. Or a battle to the destruction of a cute little Miami vinoteca. All I know is that Kenya needs to find a story and stick to it.

First, there’s the issue of Shaunie’s birthday though. Ohhhh, Shaunie’s birthday party. You are the party that never ended. And You are the party that no one could get away from. And the fallout is still falling out. After Shaunie and Nia, Evelyn’s assistant, escort Evelyn out of the restaurant, Shaunie voices her concern on the situation. “At this point, my goal is to keep Jennifer safe, because I know Evelyn will hurt her,” she says.

Evelyn is still a little tipsy, but it’s pretty clear that her wits and her strength haven’t been diminished, she knows what her goal is, and it’s to “wait around the corner” to kick Jen’s ass. Kenya and Tami join the group outside while Suzie and Jennifer remain inside and it’s like a stake-out where a group of patrol men are just watching the door for their perps to emerge.

Kenya is an especially chatty perp that no one seems to appreciate being there, so she offers Evelyn a story about her own good friend that she’s had ups and downs with and Tami politely tells her it might not be the best time.

Evelyn is less polite.

Fortunately the drone of Kenya’s voice seems to have lulled Evelyn into submission and she leaves without incident. But after the fact, Jen is still confused why the night went down as it did. “You basically tried to hit me in the head with your bag and my back is turned? Do that in my face,” she says, stating that she has no desire to be friends with someone who would throw a jab her way.

Suie and Evelyn meet to discuss Kesha, or more precisely, Kesha’s “corpse-like” reaction to Tami’s harsh words for her on the “b*tch, b*tch and more b*tch” night. Kesha is apparently more stressed out about her situation with Tami than she’s let on, and she’s basically at a loss for what to do now regarding Tami.

Suzie also tells Evelyn that Kesha feels disrespected by both Ev and Tami in this situation, which doesn’t sit well with Evelyn.

We know that Suzie’s job is to function as the go-between and communicate all the drama from one group to another, so later she meets with Royce and Kesha to tell them about the birthday party debacle.

This dame birthday party! This is like the family barbecue that you DREAD going to, but your aunt makes really good ribs, so you suck it up and go.

“The behavior at this dinner that Suzie is describing is sadly expected,” Royce says, thrilled that she’s not part of the circle anymore. But guess what? The circle has deflated. It’s basically like, a triangle now, with Tami, Shaunie, Evelyn, and like, somewhere in the distance, this other satellite called Suzie. Lest you think Kenya is working her way into the group, Tami has another idea.

It seems that Kenya did a radio interview that slammed all the women on the show, and Kenya laughed through the whole thing without ever defending the women or putting a stop to it. Tami also thinks it’s shady that Kenya laughed through the entire awkward dinner they shared, but Tami doesn’t think laughter was the right reaction here.

So Kenya listens to what Tami has to say, and then she hears out Evelyn, who calls her out on acting differently with them, as opposed to how she is with Kesha. Is that a little eye roll?

So Evelyn asks point blank if Kenya is cool with Kesha, who responds “No no no no no.” Can we roll that footage of Suzie asking her the same exact question at that dinner please?

“I’m not the kind of person to hold grudges, I think we’re cool again,” was the response she gave to Suzie. [Cough]
“How could you be one way while we’re sitting there having this discussion, but then when we leave, it’s all totally different? Who are you?” Evelyn asks. It’s clear she’s not convinced at all by Kenya. But Kenya starts calling Kesha a liar and when Evelyn suggests they all have a little sit down, Kenya intones that things might go down if Kesha lies one more time. (Has she lied already? Did we miss the part where she said something untrue? I mean, it’s clear she pissed people off, I just didn’t think lying was part of it. ANYway.)

“She probably needs to be sitting on the other side of the room because if she says that I’m lying at any point when I know I’m telling the truth,” Kenya says “it’s going to be a very big deal for me…This chick’s been lying since the get-go.”

Over at the Komic Relief Korner, Jen can’t play tennis to save her life. She, Suzie, and Kesha attempt to hit a few balls around, but no, there’s not hitting going on at all. “You would think with the last name Williams I could play a little tennis,” Jen says. But no. She really can’t.

This looks like  a ANTM photoshoot gone wrong.

“I’ve never been around people like…some of these ladies,” Kesha tells Jennifer and Suzie. We haven’t seen Kesha and Jen hang out much so far, but they seem to be getting along well on the court, so it’s a pretty bold statement for Kesha to make with her. Jen doesn’t seem put off by it though, and says she definitely plans to hang out with Kesha more.

In other combinations we haven’t seen much of this season, Royce and Kenya get together to work on their relationship, but I don’t think that has a lot of friendship potential. Kenya may have told Suzie that she and Kesha were “cool” and that she doesn’t hold grudges, but she derides Kesha, calls the time she’s spent with Royce “fluffy,” and yes, still holds a grudge about Kesha’s professional advice that she doled out. Royce calls Kenya out for laughing while Tami gave Kesha her verbal smackdown, and doesn’t think Kenya’s behavior is very cool or friendly.

Royce suggests they start over on a clean slate, but we’ll see about that. “Kenya wants to be in so badly that she’s willing to take a lot of abuse,” Royce says about Kenya’s feelings toward the rest of the cast, and she and Kesha skip out of Zumba early to talk about the state of things.

Royce tells Kesha her thoughts on Kenya, and Kesha also admits to Royce she feels pretty cool with Jen, and Royce just warns her to be careful all-around. It goes well though when Kesha and Evelyn meet. Royce had warned that Evelyn would either own up to her behavior in talking to Tami, or she could go the other way and get defensive and things could get ugly, but she explained that she wasn’t intending to interfere, and their talk was drama-free. And even more than that, she tells Kesha that really, the problem in all of this is Kenya. “Something’s not right,” Evelyn says. “I’m seeing it, and I seen it when I walked away from that dinner

“I really think that Kesha is telling the truth and I’m willing to support her and put her under my wing and have her back,” Evelyn says. This was nice! More conversations like that, please!

Are y’all ready for the dinner scene, part II? Because, as Tami says “Today is the day. I’m meeting up with Kesha, Kenya, Evelyn, and Suzie,” which is the exact combination that was together when things started to go left.

“I already know that Kenya’s crazy, it’ll be nice to have everyone else finally see the truth,” Suzie says of the meeting, which has been set up (with Evelyn as mediator??) to just figure out who’s been saying what.
The issue is who has been saying what to whom, and who says what to people’s faces. Kenya owns up to talking smack about Kesha to her face, but tried to turn things on Kesha, saying that she was talking about Tami after their dinner confrontation. “Yes, I talked about her, she sat there and called me a b—h four times in a row! I’m not phony, I would rather walk out with my dignity than put someone in their place,” Kesha explains.

Tami, who’s just been watching this scene unfold and has been reserving her judgments thus far sees the situation escalate though. “Kenya’s getting more riled and it’s starting to get intense, and all of a sudden, the ultimate black move, she takes off the shoes,” Tami observes.

Kesha notices too and stands up immediately, crying “Do NOT let this girl touch me,” and she bolts, with Kenya calling “Walk away, b—h,” after her. Kesha doesn’t get far and is persuaded to stay, but as she explains, she might as well fight fire with fire. “At this point in the game, Kesha’s like, you know what, b—h? The gloves are off!” Tami narrates.

Kesha proceeds to tell the ladies some choice things that Kenya has allegedly said, things like Evelyn is loose. Evelyn asks her if that’s true and Kenya, poor Kenya, jumbles her words and is like “Hummina hummina, everyone’s been saying that!” Uh oh.

“Honestly,” Kenya admits in her confessional, “I think everybody’s called Evelyn loose at this point.” Oh, girl, no. Please stop talking. “I mean, I think that’s kinda like a common thing.” There she goes. She’s not stopping. Good lord.’

This photo looks like a mix of Tamala Jones, Lil’Kim and Teairra Mari.

How does Evelyn feel about Kenya now that she’s bumbled her way through a series of explanations and insults?

“I feel you have no loyalty to nobody, you’re not to be trusted,” Evelyn tells her.
Kesha is done with the situation and done with Kenya, and it looks like Evelyn may be too. Next week, it looks like there’s a wine bottle with a trajectory from Evelyn’s hand moving in Kenya’s general direction, so yeah, safe to say Evelyn is not a fan.

-Rae & Sean

-Stay Fly

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[RECAP] Basketball Wives: Season 4, Episode 4…

That face.

What is she smelling? expired wig glue and Kool cigarette smoke? #UnAmazing

Looks like Great Auntie Kenya is no longer enemy number one this week! Dubious congratulations go out to Kesha for that honor. So what made the tables turn?

First off, Suzie and her dog go to Jennifer place to once again gossip about Kenya who is, at this stage, still not beloved by all. First it was the YouTube videos, now Suzie arrives with the information that Kenya went to the Juliet night club and asked to pay $50 an hour instead of the actual price of $1,000 and hour to shoot her video there, and once her manager found out the price of alcohol at the club, asked if they could serve Kool-Aid instead.

First Off Suzie …

Thanks Renee, Back to the story ….

This is a source of amusement and confusion for Jennifer. It is funny, but more than that, Jen is like

“Look, Kenya’s fan base is Kenya, Kenya, and Kenya,” Suzie says trying to diminish her new acquaintance’s dreams and goals. I mean, look, sure, so far she’s only represented herself as a bumbling independent artist, but we don’t all start big, Suzie!

Kesha and Evelyn seem to have struck up a friendly little relationship now, and when they hang out alone, it’s a long way off from the last time they met, when Kesha and Kenya were at each other’s throats. Kesha unloads on Evelyn, confiding that she would prefer that Evelyn attend her cancer charity event over Jennifer (since, obviously, both of them won’t agree to go), and then she brings up Tami. Kesha’s still a little offended by her past conversations with Tami, especially one where Tami insinuated that Kesha wasn’t “black enough.” “Why does she have the right to even comment on what I am or what I label myself as?” Kesha asks Evelyn. Evelyn tells Kesha to have this conversation with Tami and that Tami will respect her for bringing these issues up. Evelyn might be wrong.

*Sighs*

Why in the MEEKA would Kesha tell EVelyn all this? YOU DON”T KNOW WHERE THIS IS GONNA END UPPPP????

Smh.

She’s doing photo shoots (in case you haven’t seen the finished product, here’s the cover of J’adore Magazineshe was featured on) and promoting her lip gloss line with a big launch party. At the party, only Suzie and Kenya show up (that had to be weird right? I mean, Suzie is not shy about her dislike for Kenya, but we kind of glossed over that aspect tonight…)

“The people that are important are here,” Jen says when Suzie asks where everyone else is, which is hilarious because all of a sudden they’ve made Kenya “important.” Not that she wasn’t before, but it’s this kind of labeling that gets everyone on this show in trouble. You’re in the circle or you’re not. You’re important or you’re not. None of it really matters except at moments like this.
Suzie’s not thrilled that Kenya, who she thinks is a phony, is working hard to be important to Jennifer.

After the launch, Tami brings up the fact that she wasn’t at the party because she wasn’t actually invited. “Jen’s Lucid lip gloss launch. I think this is like the tenth one, but nonetheless, I wasn’t invited.” She and Evelyn discuss the value of solid friendships and without exactly saying that Jennifer is disloyal, that’s exactly what they’re saying. “She’s really smelling her own pee-pee,” Evelyn says.

“I hate you for saying that,” Tami says. We all do, Tami. That’s not an image we can easily erase.

Tami continues to go off on Kenya, recalling her business meeting with Kenya which went so very, very wrong too. She tells Evelyn that Kenya snatched the CD player from her hotel in order to play music for Tami and the faces say it all.

In this never-ending expositional scene, Evelyn then brings up Kesha’s issues with Tami, and she tells Tami that her comments about Kesha’s race really struck a nerve.

“She can’t be that sensitive,” Tami says, but you know that if the tables were turned Kesha would already have received a palm smack to the forehead, preferably in a Roman night club. But not only does Tami think Kesha’s sensitive, she is also offended herself that Kesha didn’t bring this information to her directly. “She needs to get a f—ing ife, because if that s— offended her…F— her.” It is exhausting knowing what the right course of action is with any of these women, isn’t it?

“Suzie’s just different,” Royce says when Kesha expresses her concerns about bring Suzie to her charity event which is coming up soon.

“I mean, you have to take Suzie for who she is an accept her, otherwise, you’re going to be walking around with a shocked face every day.” Kesha doesn’t so much seem shocked by Suzie as much as she’s just not into public outbursts about orgasms and oral sex, so I’m not about to fault her for being faint of heart around her.

*Yawns* Hold on I need a pick me up …

Thanks Queen Marlo, future Heir to the Queen of the ‘Talls”! *Carry On*

The conversation also turns to Kenya, who Kesha’s still not vibing because she and Royce feel like they were just trying to offer her constructive criticism about her video, and Kenya threw them under the bus for it. “At some point, Kenya’s going to realize that Royce and I were just trying to help her. She seems like the ind of person who learns from experience. When things go wrong, she’ll learn.”

The day of her video shoot (which appears not to be at Juliet after all??) it seems like Kenya might learn that lesson sooner rather than later, because no one is showing up on time. Kenya still takes Kesha’s advice as a personal affront and not as the helpful critique it was meant to be. “I think there’s a big difference between somebody giving you criticism, and actually giving you criticism as a means to help you fix it,” she says, “as opposed to somebody giving you criticism and saying ‘Well, I’m not doing anything.’”

The shoot actually seems to go well (although you’d think that it would have taken a full day just to get Kenya’s body Bedazzled),

so maybe she didn’t learn anything the hard way after all. But before we finish talking about the shoot, let’s look at some of the better stills from that scene, please.

 

I’m just saying you could do better *Teyana Taylor voice*

Peep the shade?

She probably feels like she did a goo job so let’s give her a round of applause

It’s finally time for Kesha’s charity event to support the National Brain Tumor Society, and everyone except for Jennifer is there. (I would assume Royce is there but she’s just maintaining a safe distance from Evelyn and Shaunie.) Kesha was worried about how Suzie would behave at the event, so she decides to make a blanket announcement to the entire group to be on their best behavior, but BTW, keep your eye on Suzie for me, wouldya?

Oh giiirl. That sets everyone off. “Evvvverybody was offended by Kesha’s little speech,” Tami says. “We all felt like we were in grade school and she was chastising us about one of our classmates who acted a damn fool on the last museum trip.” Well, I mean, she’s not THAT far off. After Kesha gives her speech, the women fall silent and don’t really know how they should behave, so they just freeze up, which is also awkward because then Kesha tells Suzie that everyone is acting like a Debbie Downer. And if there’s one thing you shouldn’t call Shaunie, it’s a Debbie Downer.

Oh please Shaunie! You are so fuckin lame!

Tami leaves in order to prevent a real scene from occurring but she is officially not on Team Kesha now. Kesha’s on her s— -list for so many reasons, so when they all get together for dinner, it’s on. It’s their last night in Miami, so Evelyn brings the girls together for dinner (the last supper?) and immediately asks Tami and Kesha to hash out their issues,

SET-UP!

and Tami tells Kesha “I basically don’t want to hear what you have to say because everybody else knows this about me, whatever you need to say about me or however you feel…bring it to me. I don’t like a bitch to go behind my back.”

Kenya is LOVING that all the attention is off her.

 

When Kesha tells Tami the reason she spoke to Evelyn about her issues was because she was trying to avoid a confrontation, Tami tells her to shut the f— up and move on.

Kesha’s not used to Tami’s ways, and she’s no accustomed to conflict of any kind, so she’s just kind of baffled by how to respond, so she tells Tami that she did plan to bring these issues up with her at some point. “Bitch, it’s too late,” Tami says. “Please don’t call me a bitch and be rude,” Kesha tells her. Which leads to the moment that you were all waiting for, the moment that was built up for weeks, the “Bitch. Bitch. And more bitch” moment.

Have I mentioned that Kenya is loving this whole scene?

Suzie even calls Kenya out for “basically being an a—hole in front of Kesha’s face,” and later calls her a bipolar psycho. Where is this line of confessional going? I can’t wait to see if these hints that Suzie is giving about Kenya go somewhere really dark, because that’s what I’m feeling.

There’s no end in sight to the Kesha-bashing either, because after that, Tami launches into the way Kesha treated them all at the charity event. Evelyn, who was formerly on Kesha’s side, is clearly uncomfortable, and tells her “Honestly, I was really on your mother-f—ing team till today. I really was. And I’m ready to go.”

Saw THAT One coming …

“I’ve never been around a group of ladies like this one,” Kesha says. “Right now I’m not feeling like these are my type of people.”

Either Kesha doesn’t have cable and missed the first THREE Seasons of BBWives or she’s just plain stupid.

We’re going with stupid.

-Rae & Sean

-Stay Fly!

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Entertainment

[RECAP] Basketball Wives, Season 2, Episode 2…

Is Suzie on her Maya Rudolph swag? The lisp identity is real in those streets!

Now I understand why these women throw drinks so often. They’re pretending they just won the Super Bowl and they just want to pour some Haterade on someone’s head. There was a lot of mean-girl activity this week, right?

Before we get started, can I just throw this out there: Everyone had their moments as far as mocking, making fun, and smack-talking, but when did Suzie get so mean? Discuss.

Moving on.

 

From our perspective, it looks like when Evelyn, Shaunie,  and Tami get together, they are all on Team Evelyn and it’s a grand ole sh*t on Jennifer party. They’re there to rehash the fight between Evelyn and Jennifer and figure out where Evelyn’s head is at the moment, so Tami asks her “So what’s going to happen with y’all?” and Evelyn replies “Nothing, I just ain’t f—in’ with her.” She clarifies, saying “Jennifer is so caught up in her own little world right now that the people that really mattered don’t matter.” Then she makes my favorite face ever:

And whether it’s bitterness or confusion or just mean girl-ness, the three of them make fun of Jen’s bougie upbringing and impersonate her, and their mocking brings them much mirth and glee. I know Shaunie and Tami have claimed neutrality, but it doesn’t appear that way here, at least.

Over at the nail salon, Jen and Suzie are discussing the fight too, but while the other three ladies are all up in arms over Jen’s non-apology, Jen and Suzie are still wondering what she needed to apologize for.

The blog post that upset Evelyn contained a line about how she and Jen don’t date the same kinds of people, which isn’t necessarily scathing, so clearly there are either other issues, or some subtext that has offended Evelyn.

But Jennifer is only looking at this and judging it by the words that were printed, and she and Suzie fail to see what’s the big deal. “I’m worried about my own vagina, not yours,” Jennifer says. “You should do the same, I just don’t get it.”

Suzie hopes they can repair things because, as we’ve heard about forty times by now, it would be sad to see a friendship of over a decade end, but Jen tells Suzie “I’m eliminating the drama out of my life. Eric went, your ass is not exempt.”

Evelyn and her sister Sylvia meet up to discuss wedding plans because the wedding is just six months away, and Evelyn tells Sylvia that Jennifer won’t be invited, but that her wish is that her brother-in-law, Anthony, who’s currently battling cancer, will be able to make it. Later, Evelyn meets with her mom who suggests that Anthony be the one to walk Evelyn down the aisle, it’s an idea Evelyn never thought of but she loves it. “I would trade everything in to be able to just give him life. Every time I think about this day, I think about if he’s going to be there,” she says as they both break down.

“We YouTubed Kenya” Suzie says, sitting down to lunch with Jennifer for their own round of mockery during this episode.

The watch Kenya perform in a music video she made, the video gets a 0% on their Rotten-Tomatometer. “We saw her acting like a wild f—ing animal on YouTube. I’m like, oh my God, how embarrassing. Look, I’m not gonna lie, Kenya making a video like that at her age is just off. Someone needs to tell her it’s not cute.”

“Maybe it’s for a pageant or something,” Jen says, offering the benefit of the doubt. But it’s too late, there’s already a lot of doubt cast over Kenya for these two.

Kenya’s music is also causing problems for Kesha who has signed on as a consultant of sorts for Kenya, helping her coordinate a video shoot at the Juliet Supper Club, “the hottest club in New York.” Kenya and her entourage arrive at the club to arrange the shoot, but they’re a little deluded by how much time and money it’s going to take to pull it off, and no one is willing to spend the $8,000-plus it will take to rent out the space.

“Kenya and her team came across just…kinda clueless,” Kesha says. “She baffles me.”

You Talking?

Later, Royce joins them to discuss the concerns Kesha has about the video. (Off topic: How good does Royce’s hair look right now?)

But Kesha tells Kenya “I don’t want to extend myself if it’s not going to be an amazing production.”

Kenya thinks the girls are being pessimistic and this won’t be the last time that she’s going to face criticism from people this week. This episode began as “Everyone sh*ts on Jennifer” but it shall end with the sh*t falling on Kenya.

Suzie, who is also still baffled by Kenya’s homemade music videos, calls Kenya out on them when they all meet for lunch. She tells her she looks like a psychopath and asks “What is the point of putting yourself on YouTube in your thirties?” This statement, as insane as it sounds, actually makes some sense. When you think about the reasons people go to YouTube, it’s usually to watch kids doing/saying crazy sh*t, animals doing/saying crazy sh*t, or elderly people doing/saying crazy sh*t. So in that regard Suzie totally has the Internet figured out. BUT, I’m pretty sure she’s actually implying that there’s an expiration date for putting sexy videos on the internet which is just kind of weird and age-ist and doesn’t hold water. Kenya’s not pleased by the feedback.

Royce isn’t thrilled either. “I think Suzie needs to tone it down, it’s not a good look.”

Suzie meets up with Evelyn to continue the Kenya hateration and she shows Evelyn Kenya’s music video.

“It seems like Kenya is singing on a treadmill and then there’s a fan blowing, I don’t know from where,” Evelyn says, which is all very true. But then she becomes my mom when she says “These YouTubes, I don’t get it!”

They then turn their attention to Kesha, because Suzie says Kesha called her out for being a pervert after her whole blow job/pepper mill incident from last week. “Maybe that’s why you were left at the altar, ’cause you weren’t giving any blow jobs,” Evelyn says. I mean, seriously. Damn.

Royce, who has thus far been staying out of trouble and staying focused on her acting career, meets with Tami because she does have some drama in her life at the moment, though it’s not related to any of the other girls. Royce has been in a serious relationship for a while (no, not with Brian from last season), but with a Tampa football player. Her dad unfortunately, is not on board and they’re currently not on speaking terms. Which is why it’s bittersweet when Royce finds out that she got the role she auditioned for in an off-Broadway show, and has to call him to tell him.

His response is underwhelming (when she tells him she got the part, he replied “All right”).

Looks like even her good fortune isn’t going to cause them to reconcile any time soon, but that definitely hurts.

Back in Miami, Evelyn confronts Chad with some rumors of infidelity. She’s been reading all kinds of stories on Twitter and various websites that are calling Chad out for various indiscretions and she tells him “I don’t want to deal with this.” He responds that he’s a work in progress but she’s worried that the progress isn’t happening fast enough. “Everyone else wants us to fail,” she says, tearing up.

What follows is so confusing. Is this scene for real? Is the show for fuckin real?

Evelyn tells Chad she just wants to know what he’s up to when he’s on the road, and then he proposes that they pick up a woman to have a three-way, as long as they both like her. Ohhhhkay? I know this conversation has been edited down, but it makes no sense to me. A transcription of the most confusing part:

Evelyn: “I want you to be one hundred with me. And tell me. I’d rather know.”
Chad: “E, man, look, I’m on the road, I’m tryna—what’s up.”
Evelyn: “Tell me.”
Chad: “And then what?”
Evelyn: “I want to know…Got to the pharmacy and get condoms. I’m gonna be sick like a motherf—er but what can I do but respect you and know that you’re telling me the truth rather than you hide it. ‘Cause at the end of the day, you don’t have to tell me nothing.”
Chad: “All right.”
Evelyn: “I don’t want to have to babysit you but I’d rather you be real with me because Lord knows what could happen.”
Chad: “E, I think we should go out some time and if I see somebody I like, I think we should be able to bring her home.”
Evelyn: “Yeah but how ’bout if I don’t like her?”
Chad: “Putting any man back in that position of being able to discipline himself to deal with that one woman for the rest of his life…a lot have failed trying.”

First off, I call BS on Chad for basically saying that he’s just not capable of being monogamous.

So either they’re agreeing that Chad can cheat/pick out a three-way partner, and that’s cool, or we, the audience are majorly being f—ed with and they are masters at manipulating their image. I’m still not sure what the right answer is, but they are certainly geniuses when it comes to giving us a reason to keep our eyes on them. I mean let’s me real, now, we can’t take our eyes off of them no matter what.
-Sean & Rae
-Stay Fly!
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Entertainment

[Recap] Basketball Wives, Season 4, Episode 1 ….

Susie still looks lam as usual, except in this picture, she looks like she’s churning milk in southeast Arkansas?

So, as of yet, nothing has changed. 😦

Welcome back, Basketball Wives We’ve missed you, we’ve missed the drama, we’ve missed those frenemy-ships, and or course, we’ve missed Suxiebeing Suzie. In this case, Suzie being Suzie involves inappropriate public displays of mimed pepper mill molestation. What else did you expect?

Suzie, Have a SEAT!

The episode beings pleasantly enough. Sure, in the “Last season on…” we were reminded that Evelyn and Jennifer has their differences last year, which involved telling people to suck their respective male private parts, but I thought they resolved all of that in an Italian hotel room while Jennifer cried and Evelyn still half-watched TV while lying in bed and accepted Jen’s apologies.

really never would have imagined that they could have backtracked to the point where Evelyn threatened to punch Jen in her “mother-f—ing face” right there in front of everyone. But we’ll get to that. Let’s begin with the pleasantness.

Evelyn is meeting with Diane Valentine, [who looks like the a cartoon character] the world’s most appropriately-named wedding planner.

Evelyn wants her family, specifically the five children she and Chad have from previous relationships (no Pepe and Esteban for them just yet), to be the focus of the wedding. Not the focus of the wedding: bridesmaids.

WAIT! That Minaj-Green Eye Shadow?

“I only want the people who have been positive from day one to attend our wedding,” she says, which means, obviously, no Jennifer. That Miami sun on her skin isn’t looking proper.

Jennifer and Suzie are both living in New York at the moment and meet up for drinks to set up the fact that Jennifer hasn’t spoken to Eric since their drink-toss disaster (“What kind of man throws drinks?” Suzie asks, scoffing at Eric’s behavior. Yeah! What kind of man throws drinks?? I guess just the kind of man who hangs around women who throw drinks.) nor has she spoken to Evelyn for who-knows-how-long?

*Ahem* But Suzie’s Jacket Though?

*Bye Girl*

Evelyn meets up with Tami to tell her the exact same thing about her friendship with Jennifer, that it has pretty much run its course and she’s made no attempt to get in touch with her. Tami is genuinely disappointed by this news,

but Evelyn doesn’t care anymore. Her feelings on Jennifer are thus: Just do you, girl. Just. Do. You.

It wouldn’t be Basketball Wives without some fresh blood to be put to the test. Last season, obviously, Meeka wasnot a welcome visitor,

but so far, Royce seems to have befriended Kesha

 

“You’re like a breath of fresh air,” Royce tells Kesha who, despite being engaged and then left at the altar, seems down to earth and has a lot in common with Royce. Royce has also befriended a jacket from Michael Jackson’s blue period.

Before Kesha can meet the other women, she takes Royce to meet Kenya whom she has known since both of their significant others played ball together. Kenya is a “singer”, a shoot-for-the-moon type whose goal is to win a Grammy.

Ohh Wait! … She’s a Singah!

*Bye Girl*

Jesus be talent! Forget that she hasn’t actually released any music yet, but at least she has goals.
Kesha and Kenya have yet to meet the other women, and they are dying to know how Royce feels about everything, but Royce doesn’t want to cloud their brains with all her own bad experiences, so she pleads the fifth and tells them to form their own opinions. “You’ll see,” she says. “You’ll see.”

WE SEE YOU ROYCE !!

Ummm Hmmmm

These lips are locked. She tried her best to have an invisible part!

She tried!

Hopefully Kesha will not pull a Meeka and immediately start turning around and talking to everyone behind everyone else’s back.

First, Kesha eases into “the circle” by meeting Suzie. “Kesha walked in and my first impression was ‘Wait a minute, this doesn’t look like a Kesha,’ and she sounds like a redneck hillbilly,” Suzie says. Suzie can deny that she has foot-in-mouth disease all she wants, but I think from this statement, we can all confirm that diagnosis.

Suzie and Kesha swap stories about the dating scene (“Dammit! I’m going to be forty in seven years!” Suzie says, not realizing she’s the unironic version of Sally in When Harry Met Sally) and then Kesha wonders how she’ll fit int the circle because, she says “I’m a drama-free person. I’m sweet and I’m southern, but people are not going to walk all over me and disrespect me.” Kesha seems to like Suzie up to this point but (there’s always a but on this show), the next time they meet, with Jen and Kenya thrown in the mix, things get turned on their head. Did I say head? Sorry, that must have been Suzie’s influence.

When Kesha meets Jen, her first impression was…not great “I’ve never used this word, ever. But Jen is the epitome of bougie.”

Why does she have on all white? Is she going to Lisa Raye’s house for a get together with Monifah?

Her second impression was that she felt like Jen wanted to be impressed. “She gave the overall feeling of Kenya and I are there to prove we’re cool enough,” she explained.

Then there was Suzie, who gave a full-on demonstration of how to please a man by miming a waiter using a pepper mill.

That made the new girls uncomfortable.

The newbies, still on their whirlwind tour of meeting people, are whisked off to lunch with Royce and Tami next, where they regaled Tami with their tales of their bougie/blow-jobby night with Jennifer and Suzie. Kenya claims that she loves bougie, so therefore she loved Jen, and Tami agrees that “she got bougie covered.” When Tami reports back to Jen and Suzie, they both take offense to everything the new girls said, even though it was all, you know, the truth. I mean, look at this. It’s a lil’ boug.

“Jen, you are bougie, girl. It’s not like they were lyin’!” Tami says.

There’s a common theme, and I wonder just how much it will stick this season, and that is the theme of forcible peace. See, everyone seems to take the same “It is what it is” attitude when it comes to their relationships with everyone else, but on Basketball Wives, just like on Scooby Doo, no one gets away with anything, and it’s all because of a few meddling kids. The kids in this case are Suzie and Tami. Suzie wants to get Jen and Royce together because I think she feels like since they’re both estranged from Evelyn now, they’ll be able to talk again. And Tami wants Jen and Evelyn to get together because they’ve been close for over a decade and it just seems wrong that they’re drifting. “Y’all are the weirdest best friends I have ever seen like, in my entire life,” Tami says she wants everyone to get together in a group because she doesn’t want this to be a she said/she said situation, she wants everyone to hear everything from both sides. Jen is open to that, but as you can see, when everyone does get together…It blows up.

Finally, the core group, the inner circle, including Shaunie (welcome to the show, Shaunie!) gets together to learn just what is at the root of the Evelyn-Jennifer tension.

Evelyn explains that after their trip to Rome, she read a blog post that Jennifer wrote that said something to the effect of “How could Evelyn say I chase the same type of men? How could she say such a thing?” and Evelyn, who was already heated to begin with but is getting more heated by the second, says “That means that I’m a liar, right?” Jen pawns that off saying her publicist wrote that blog post, and Evelyn says “You think it’s real smart to have people writing stuff for you that you don’t approve?” and Jen basically fails to see what the big deal is. “I’m really not worried about blogs, I’m probably sipping champagne on a yacht somewhere,” Jen “How dare anyone call me bougie?” says.

“What do you want from me, Evelyn? Do you want an apology?” Jen asks, and she’s also getting pretty heated at this point, but she’s not like, going crazy or anything.

 

But Evelyn doesn’t like what she’s hearing and tells her, “Jennifer, tone it down, I’m going to punch you in your motherf—ing face.”

“I don’t know if it’s with malice or if Jennifer’s just stupid.” “My thing is this: We don’t have to be friends but we don’t have to be enemies.” Jennifer says.

“You’re not my friend. You are my enemy,” Evelyn replies. As Jen cries, Evelyn tells her “Take your crocodile tears and go talk to your publicist.”

You know what Jen?

Just give ya hair to Evelyn … Cause it’s gonna be in her hands by the end of this Season anyway … we can tell.

“You’re a mean bitch, Evelyn,” Tami tells her.

 

Your intentions were noble, But your….

Tami, but…So much for making peace.

That means the lacefronts are about to hit the track.

Lawd.

-STAY FLY!

[@NIIICELOOKSEAN & @RAEHOLLIDAY]

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Entertainment

[Recap] LOVE AND HIP HOP; Season 2, Finale “EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING”

And the goonette and her thug lived happily ever after. Ok, some of them did. More on this later!

We’ve come such a long way this season haven’t we? Although these women will never be invited to Rolanda Watt’s house for cake and coffee, we’ve had some pretty major moments on this show.

We’ve seen Chrissy Harlem shake her demons out on Kimbella..

We’ve seen money hungry managers with dry edges…

We’ve seen nobodies trying to become something, while still maintaing that “higher level” that they never had.

Doesn’t Erica remind you of a Blackplanet layout?

 

Just when we were used to these women, sadly the season finale was yesterday.

Kimbella and her dandruff are having a terrible week. Yandy and her hands come over so she can unload all her problems, and Kimbella fills her in on how she ambushed Erica at her birthday party the night before but since she left before they could have a physical fight, Kimbella’s still stressed and anxious because basically she won’t rest until someone beats the crap out of Erica.

That face is giving Mariah Carey before Honey dropped in ’98! Get into it!

“At this point she just so disrespectful, I just wanna like, choke her to sleep,” Kim says. YOWZA! Another source of Kim’s stress may be because Juelz is currently in jail. She just found out that he was arrested after having an altercation in their parking lot and he’s being held on $46,000 bail, and for reasons that we’ll find out later, she’s probably hormonal right now. This woman needs a cry and a good hug.

“Nancy and I are in a good place right now,” Chrissy says while she chills with her future mother-in-law. She tells Nancy how much it meant to her that she was there at the engagement and seriously, after last season, did anyone see this coming? I mean, last year the “disrespect” was at an all time high. So while the ladies discuss how the engagement has affected their own relationship, Chrissy tells Mama J. that Jimmy just thinks the engagement means “we’re supposed to have more sex.” Mama Jones loves that and high fives Chrissy. Hilarious and also ew at the same time

YASS!!!!! That Tampico wash Mama Jones has is EVERYTHING! That is a serious bang too! She is giving me “JUST ANOTHER GIRL ON THE IRT” WITH THAT BANG!

Mama Jones… come and get your life!

Nancy also assumes that this indicates grandchildren in her future. Please believe that Nancy will not be teaching her  braided grandkids how not to have “the disrespect” towards other people. Soon, Chrissy promises her. “How soon, like tomorrow?” Mama Jones and MediaTakeOut want to know.

Chrissy promises to love Mama Jones the way she loves Jimmy, and she’s overcome by the positive feelings of their relationship and the engagement. For all the bad times that last season brought, this season is only love. They’re working hard to keep it that way, but still.

Over in Rich’s SUV, Olivia drops the bomb on him that she’s not taking the EMI record deal she’s being offered. [She is clearly losing her mind] This would be her third major deal, [J Records, then G-Unit] but it would also mean signing away some of her creative rights over the course of three albums and she’s not down with that, even though it means money in [t]he[i]r pocket. “I’m not going to sign my life away for three albums. They said they want creative control and that’s not gonna work for me,” she says. You know who wants money in his pocket though? Rich. He has spent tons of $$$ on her, and he isn’t seeing results. None of us are. “I’m gonna ride with you, but at the end of the day, this is your life,” he tells her. And although she NEVER had that much money to begin with is ready to go broke to make her dreams happen.

She probably feels like she just “did that”.

Before she can make those dreams come true though, she needs to clear up a beef first. Olivia and radio DJ FunkMaster Flex have an issue because of comments he made implying that her career was over. Implying?

Did he really tell her to launch Pineapple Records? I can’t.

 

KEEP FLEX OUT OF KOREA CAUSE YOU KNOW HE DROP BOMBS! *Kanye voice*

Olivia thinks the whole thing is very third grade, [I used to listen to her in third grade] but he tells her she’s taking the whole thing too personally. I don’t even think this constitutes as beef. He tells her his words should motivate her. “You should say, no, I’m gonna make this happen, I’m gonna make a hot record, f— Flex, f— Fifty, I’m gonna make it happen!” “Nobody goes on somebody that hard and that long for that stupid-ass reason,” Olivia says.

 

Liv’s next stop on her career train is to meet with producer Jerry Wonda. Jerry has produced some of the hottest songs ever. Jerry gives Olivia’s words a melody and as she starts to sing along, the track goes from poem on a page to what could be a hit song. “That sounds hot!” she says. It really does. For once this season, Olivia has channeled her emotions the right way and showcased her skills.

What about that song “Shark In The Water?” That would be a good fit for Olivia too!

Emily and Chrissy meet to discuss the possibility of Emily going back to Fab in what is the 18th time between the two seasons. Last week, Emily’s conversation with Winter, Fab’s assistant, struck a nerve because Winter wanted Emily to move back in with Fab and turn a blind eye to his cheating ways. Clearly, Winter has not paid her tuition to the Iyanla Vanzant School Of Self Esteem and Side Eye because a woman should NEVER tell another woman to let a man cheat on you. I guess her name is Winter because no one likes Winter as a season.  Emily needs Chrissy’s advice because hey, who better to analyze the situation and say what she feels than Chrissy?

These two love to have drinks in dark lighting. They always sit on the some side, and they have their usual girl talk.

“This is a very touchy, very ugly, very gray area. Being ‘accepting’ or being ‘blind to’…I’m not accepting or blind, I’m just realistic. I know that things happen but you better not ever let me find out.”

Chrissy bring it on home..

That’s Chrissy’s take on dating a rapper and she tells Emily that the main thing to remember is not to lose her self-respect and that loyalty is key to the relationship.

Meanwhile, Kimbella is still struggling with the dysfunction of her own relationship with Juelz. “Every woman has a gut feeling and every woman has that insight at the back of their mind, and that’s when it’s questionable,” she says, explaining that she took an oath of loyalty to Juelz when they got together, but since this is his first long-term relationship, he might not know how to handle it. “I came with all these guidelines: I’m going to be loyal to you, I’m going to be true to you, but you’ve got to do the same. But when you’re dealing with a man in the industry and all his shenanigans…it becomes a lot,” she says.

Kimbella, your man is an entertainer. Create your own Sunbeam team, and learn not to be in your feelings.

They gave us a long slow motion scene of Kimbella crossing the street. I bet you the sauerkraut from that hot dog truck smelled bad! WE ARE NOT HERE FOR THAT!

She meets with Yandy at some location that was fab two years ago to talk things out, and breaks down explaining that Juelz is pretty much hands off when it comes to running the household or helping with the kids. Kim is wrapped in her feelings and Erica’s insults may or may not have helped a bit. Yandy assures her that she can always count on their friendship to stay intact though. What do you expect, though? They’re so close they get their menstruals at the same time, remember?

Yandy’s friendship with Mama Jones is still solid too, because she’s trying to buy her friendship and they go bikini shopping because Yandy begs to spend time with her and she pays for everything including the Newports Mama J has been invited on Jim and Chrissy’s trip to Jamaica.

“Don’t let Chrissy drown you,” Yandy warns her, and Mama Jones laughs, but assures her that things with Chrissy are actually good now. Mama Jones wants Yandy and Jim though to repair their relationship. Yandy isn’t sure that Jamaica is the time or place to bring up that topic, so instead they just focus on the important things, like finding Mama a decent hat.

Yandy, stop showing so much concern. You look pressed! Are  you mad that you didn’t get to steal a Vampire Life T-Shirt before you parted ways with Jim?

 

Kim’s parents swing by New Jersey to see their grandkids and, even though it’s not ideal because Juelz is still in jail at the moment and, well, nothing at that home is ideal at the moment, Kim has an interesting development to share: she’s pregnant.

Yasss Sherry Vanderhee! She is giving you salt and pepper hair TO THE GODS! Yassss hunty! She and her Queen Helene styling gel are giving you a nasty swoop, and you can’t take it!

Her mother could sense that the news was coming and isn’t as happy as you would think! She warns Kim that the stress of three kids could be a lot, and not to mention (salt, meet wound), Kim still doesn’t have a ring on her finger. “It was all there for me and it just slipped away,” Kim says in her confessional.

Though she promises her parents that with or without Juelz, she is going to make it work, she looks defeated.

Meanwhile.. on the other side of the Harlem River
Did Nancy Jones borrow Mary J Blige’s earrings from her My Life tour?
“She went from grandma in Jersey to here I am, Chaka Khan, Tina Turner, whatchu want from me now?” Yandy says of the performance.
Are you trying to say that Nancy Jones is giving you Ain’t Nobody with a mix of Nut Bush City Limits?
Ch.. Yandy this is why we can’t get along. We like you in spurts!
Chrissy either doesn’t know about the performance or doesn’t care anymore because on their trip to Jamaica, they get along perfectly. “We all know Nancy’s going to be crazy, that’s what we love about her,” Chrissy says. They share a family hug!

and true to her crazy fashion, Nancy tells Chrissy and Jimmy “So, I guess I’ll go back and find the naked beach.” Oh, please god, no. Oh, yes. She found it.

Jesus didn’t die for our sins for this.

Since the theme at the end of this episode is closure, over in Emily’s world, she explains that she’s not ready to go back to Fab if he’s not ready to be monogamous. She;s come a long way since that sad scene of her drinking wine on the floor with no furniture.  (Even though she does put a picture of them together on her bedside table.) “I want respect, that’s what I’ve been fighting for. Respect.”

“I know Juelz can give me more, but I’m not sure if he’s ready to give me more,” Kimbella says, echoing Emily’s sentiments. These two women have so much in common, but their social reputation and pride won’t allow them to be a support system to each other.  Kimbella’s not about to get closure, since she’s got this new baby to think about, but she explains “I’m going to fight to be the best mother and role model I can be.” Emily and Kim might have had their differences all season, but in the span of five minutes, it’s clear that they’re going through the same thing and their words could be interchangeable.

Oh, and in the final moments of the episode, who do we hear from? SOMAYA!!! She may have been absent from the rest of the episode, but that’s not to say she hasn’t been busy. “It was tough when I first got here but I’ve been working really hard and grinding. I got an investor, got rid of some old baggage, hooked up with some new producers, and got a new look,” she says, basically telling us about the life she was living off-camera while we watch the lives of her co-stars unfold.

“I’m going to L.A. with my head held high. Somaya The Boss Reece is just getting started.”

Olivia explains “My options are I have no options.” She’s not going to settle, she’s not going to be anything less than herself, “I’m a singer and that’s it.”

“Everything happens for a reason,” Yandy says of her split from Jimmy.

She’s been disturbed and upset by the course of events, but if this means she can give 150% to everything else in her life, that’s her path.

“Jimmy means the world to me and he’s shown me that I mean the world to him,” Chrissy says. “I’m solid in my family life, I’m solid in my relationship, I’m solid in some of my friendships. And I can live with that.” I guess we can too.

 This has been a crazy season.
-STAY FLY!
-@NIIICELOOKSEAN
Categories
Entertainment

[Recap] Mob Wives; Season 2, Episode 4, “Wow.”

You have no choice but to love Big Ang! She is serving cannoli tease and the girls can’t take!

 

There’s still a lot of relationship repair that needs to happen on this program, but if we could just freeze this moment to embrace the mostly copacetic vibe around these parts, that would be great. I mean, who would have thought all of Karen and Carla’s hand-waving-in-the-face would have ended with shots? (And I don’t mean gunshots.) There were quite a few surprising moments on this episode, as Big Ang can attest to.

But first, we pick up where we left off last week after Karen received a call from Ramona, who had just been released from jail.

“I never wanted to fall in love with someone who was a part of this lifestyle,” Ramona says as she explains her ordeal of being pulled over, handcuffed, and taken to jail by the police. She and her boyfriend were both taken in by the police for reasons she’s still unsure of, she tells Karen that despite asking the police what she was being restrained for, no one answered her.

“It brings me back to my childhood,” Ramona tells Karen, and then explains to us “I was ten years old when my grandfather went to jail, and I’m still in a place that I don’t want to be about it.” Ramona later tells us that the world of organized crime was shielded from her as a kid. Karen’s family was more open about their involvement, to an extent, but Ramona has never really known this life and have never sought it out. Eventually she learns that her boyfriend was allegedly involved in some DEA drug scandal that’s all over the news, so even though she may not have sought the life, it seems to seek her out.

Over at the Drunken Monkey (what, doesn’t everyone have a local bar named the Drunken Monkey? it’s actually Big Ang’s bar) Carla and Drita show up to hang out with Big Ang!!!

Drita calls Big Ang “The Godmother,” and tells us “She’s awesome.” Tell us something we don’t already know, Dreets. “And who does not love a woman that talks like that?” Not us! Or..not not us? We love her is the point.

Big Ang tells us that “Ten years ago I owned a bar called Nocturnals” and Drita fills us in that she used to fight in her bar all the time. Big Ang explains that Drita is like her son A.J. who, at 22, seems to get himself arrested every week, and as she speaks of him, she gets a text that A.J. has just been in a car accident and his car is totaled. Eventually when she meets up with A.J. for a nice lunch

she tells him in he most amazing Big Ang way (that reads way too flat on a blog) “You’re lucky nothing happened to that handsome face of yours!” Wait, do we have audio of that?
The two discuss their love lives and Ang tells A.J. that she’s started seeing a new guy who just got out of prison. “Twenty eight years he did for MUUUURDERRR!” she tells A.J.

And when your family has mob ties and you’re used to stuff like that, A.J.’s reaction is probably not all that weird.

“That don’t make him a bad guy,” he says.

I repeat: “THAT DON’T MAKE HIM A BAD GUY,” is what her son replied after learning his new daddy just served 28 years for murder.

I admit, when you’re a suburban kid who flinches just remembering what it was like to watch Casino, your first thought about having a murderer boyfriend isn’t “Not a bad guy!” It’s more like “How did this Craigslist date go so very wrong?” but maybe that’s just me. Then she tells him that her new beau is buying her a puppy. A what?

Big Ang also worries that A.J., who is jobless, isn’t focused enough on his career, and like Ramona, she doesn’t want anyone else in her family to get involved in “the life.” When he tells her he’s not interested in a job, she’s not psyched.

YASSSS!

Renee meets up with Karen to tell her that she’s squashed things with Carla, and Karen is hesitant to applaud this because she has her own beef with Carla. In fact, she had a choice description of Carla, but it was so awful that it all had to be bleeped out. Something about “She can lick my [cuckoo clock/fire alarm/old-timey car honking sound] and when she’s done, she can [rooster crowing/Benny Hill theme music/trolley car bell]!” Renee is like, I don’t have any soap, but here’s some Purell to wash your mouth out with, friend.

“Karen has so much animosity for Carla, I think Carla better watch out, as soon as someone provokes Karen she comes for you. And she’s a tough bitch,” Renee tells us. Tell me something I don’t already know about Karen, Renee.

“I have to admit, I am quite bossy,” Renee says (last time , I swear: tell us something we don’t already know, Renee) as Junior moves his furniture in to her house. “It’s been a problem for Junor and I in the past.” She jokes that she realllly must be in love with him to allow him to move in yet again, and after a few arguments about where things go, they show that love off.

Renee also vows to try to be less bossy. We’ll see…

It’s now time to welcome back our old friend Derek Tobacco, who made it out of Renee’s party just barely alive, and he’s here now to recount the tale of the time he almost got rubbed out by an angry mob at a celebration of life party.

Drita just wants to know details of the night which may have passed her by when Derek was holding her (and/or while she was blacked out, since we know Drita tends to get rage blackouts when she’s whaling on her prey). Derek pleads the fifth and refuses to incriminate Karen when Drita asks him if Karen threw punches while Drita was being held. But then he kiiiinda confirms it when they piece together the series of events that led to Drita getting punched in the eye. “Only punks do that,” Drita says.”I have no problem fighting them again, I don’t care.”

Of the final two scenarios (Renee having Karen, Ramona, and the kids over for dinner and then Karen and Carla’s inevitable confrontation) I would have predicted that one of them would have gone left and ended with a screaming freakout, but I would not have predicted that it would be Renee’s family dinner.

As soon as Karen and Ramona arrive, Renee is in a mood, saying “You know what gets me about these girls? They all own Rolexes but none of them can be on time?”

Renee’s just in a funk because A.J. (her son, not Big Ang’s A.J.) has been acting out. Earlier that day, he kicked her bedroom door in, he refused to clean up after himself, and he even told Renee he wished she and Junior don’t work things out. Junior’s theory is that A.J.’s head is clouded by love, but the behavior is driving Renee crazy. Thank God for her white wine, extra ice.

Renee is so distraught over the fact that the men in her home don’t pick up after themselves and they leave crumbs everywhere, that she even takes it out on Karen and Ramona’s kids. They’re just sitting there playing and waiting for dinner to be served when she does a drive-by chair-shake, yells at them to be quiet for five minutes, and elicits this reaction from Ramona’s daughter.

Renee is so angry about these crumbs, she’s slamming lasagnas around, she’s abusing dish towels and she’s just off her rocker. “Clean the f—ing mother f—ing crumbs!” she yells. And Ramona, who up till this point has been trying to calm her friend, slips in this comment and this doesn’t help.

“She’s being over-compulsive or…she might be drunk,” Ramona says to explain away Renee’s behavior. Whichever one it is, it’s totally insane and makes me ashamed to think of how much the crumb tray in my toaster would freak Renee out.

“Speaking of bitches, what happened the other day with Carla?” Ramona asks Renee. So Ramona and Carla are destined to never be friends, but after Renee fills the women in on their reconciliation, it’s time for Karen to meet with Carla to see if they can come to some kind of understanding. It starts off very rough. Carla barely settles into her chair when Karen tells her “To be honest, this whole entire summer, I’ve hated your guts.” Waiter, could I get some *cough* water over here?

Carla is surprised because even though she hasn’t reached out to Karen for the whole summer, she doesn’t have any of her own beef with her.

Karen has a list of issues with Carla ranging from “I thought you were laughing during the rooftop fight,” to “You didn’t call Renee in the hospital,” to “I’ve heard you and Ramona are arch enemies,” but interesting enough, none of these things seem like they’re directly targeting Karen. Carla admits her laugh was a nervous laugh, and she really doesn’t want to be “arch enemies” with anyone. “She keeps defending Drita’s lies and it’s getting me hot, it’s getting me mad,” Karen says. Karen is mad enough that she tells Carla “I wish you would have come to Renee’s party to be honest, because I think you would have found it funny when your friend got a f—ing black eye. And I’m proud of it. I’m proud of it.” Yikes. Also yikes? When Karen tells Carla that Drita “Can lick my mother-f—ing p—y in f—ing Macy’s. I don’t give a f— about her.” Hopefully she’d get some Star Rewards for that. But why bring Macy’s into this, now that’s all I’m going to think of when I need to go there, thanks a lot, Karen.

“You don’t wanna go to war wit me,” Karen warns Carla, who responds “And you don’t wanna go to war wit me!” and they both stand, although Carla is ready to leave, and Karen is ready to fight. Carla walks away but Karen follows her looking so ready to fight, but the issue is still about Drita right now, and Carla wants to get off the subject pf Drita to discuss what Karen’s real problem with her is.

“After I get up in Carla’s face I realize I don’t wanna hurt her,” Karen says. Karen even goes so far as to generously say “You know, you’re really not that bad of a person.” Aww! At least Carla can laugh at that.

And by the end, they shake, they do a shot, and they agree to get along.

 


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Entertainment

[Recap] Love and Hip-Hop; Season 2, Episode 8, “Hurricane”

All of the ladies [and some of you men] were getting moist when you saw Jim Jones take a bath. But more on that later!

This clearly puts all of those “Jim Jones doesn’t shower” rumors to rest. Although we didn’t see any Dove or Lever 2000 soap bars [I always thought Chrissy was a Oil Of Olay type of girl] laying around, this is good enough! We get to see the proposal from last week- this week with Jim’s perspective; planning for the event weeks in advance, asking women around him for their approval of the ring, arranging the flight to Miami, EVERYTHING. We’re still not convinced that Jim flew ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE TO MIAMI [or even if they went to Miami], it’s not us for to judge. It’s a very touching scene especially when se says ‘That’s like the princess and the frog, I got my own fairytale going on” Who knew a tough man could sound adorable when he’s talking about his woman!

Jim Jones, come and get your life!


“I’m a Jones, I’M A JONES! Well not officially, .. You know what? I am” Chrissy spoke so lovingly! I wept openly when I saw this and I don’t care who saw me.

Everyone laughed, cried, all emotions were displayed! “It all came together and that’s all I ever really wanted. He put his ego aside, he put his persona aside, and he put our love first. And I will forever love him for that.” Nancy even applied a new red kool-aid wash to her hair and it shows. The toast that Mama Jones solidified Chrissy’s place as her daughter.

Clearly, Rich Dollaz didn’t stop being Olivia’s manager, because he went to Miami to set up a recording session with her and top producer Rico Love, to see if they can collaborate on a song [or two.] Rico produced has produced a lot of number one songs, they could surely benefit from his track record! Rico confronts Olivia about some of the emotions she withholds and convinces her to channel them through her music. When he and Rich watch her perform onstage in Miami, I mean, I thought she looked good and sounded good, but Rich and Rico’s more critical eyes saw differently.

I heard Walk Away at an Olivia showcase [the first of many] about a year and a half ago, at her FIRST showcase the was shown on season one! The original version seemed more touching, the unnecessary ad-libs made it sound like a Dr.Miracle commercial [without the almond oil extract]

They thought that she was smiling too much during her sad song, and that she’s not properly getting her emotions out…still. That does make sense. I mean, if our Creole Imperial Majesty of The Buttermilk Highway of Life Beyonce performed  “Love on Top with a mean face on, I probably wouldn’t vibe to the song the way I did. Obviously, Kes$ha doesn’t have to worry about showing emotion either! “When I believe what she’s talking about, then we can work,” Rico says. When Teairra Mari spots Rico, who is her producer, hanging around with Rich, she approaches them to see what the deal is, why her producer is checking out the competition. It’s great that Olivia’s doing her thing, Teairra says, but “At the same time, my ass has to think about MY ASS.”

 

Fortunate for her, Rico is putting her ASS first and reassures her that Teairra is a priority, not an option and he’s holding off on Olivia for now.

No disrespect, but doesn’t her mother look like a character from the game “Guess Who?”

I don’t know it could be just me.

Or does she look like the woman who killed Selena? A bidi bidi bum bum…

Moving along…

Her mother seems so sweet, and yet Kimbella is no-holds-barred, and she has her defenses on high alert! She tells her mom that she is upset that she essentially had to raise herself and her brothers because her mother was too focused on what her father was doing, and Kimbella tells her she endured a lot of bad relationships because her parents were in a bad marriage. Her mom defends her actions, explaining that when you love a man, you’ll do whatever you can to keep him. Kim understands that, but she still seems affected by her mother’s actions. Regardless, they hug it out.

Speaking of bad relationships, Teairra Mari and Emily go out on a rainy Miami night to discuss Emily’s date with Fab. It seems like it’s been raining every day in Miami. That’s horrible! Olivia’s been worried about Emily ever since she heard Em went back to Fab, and Teairra confronts Emily about what she’s doing. It’s out of love because she doesn’t want Emily to get hurt, but it brings up a lot of emotions. Emily says that leaving Fab was basically a temporary situation, a break, and that she’s ready for the break to be over.

This was so fake on so many levels! You  can hear Teairra’s voice cracking as if she’s almost about to cry, but no tears are coming out! She doesn’t even look sad. Teairra is *NOT* here for your emotions. She is here for her crawfish fritters and complimentary cheese biscuits, and you WILL DEAL.

Does this mean that we’ll see less footage of Emily and Teairra going into stores, looking around and not buying anything? If so, I support this.

Does Emily need to have a talk with Kimbella’s mom as well? It seems like they’re going/been through the same type of situation where they’re in love with a “man” and it’s putting a strain on their family life.

Yandrella and the Two-Tones [Kimeblla and Erica] are due for another sit-down/ reunite session. I mean, how many times in one month can someone throw a glass at you? She wants them to become friends, yes friends. Her and her jazz hands are so optimistic. Yet toxic at the same time. Erica is still talking about the level that she’s on [we’re trying to figure out what level that actually is]

Erica says that she’s been doing videos since she was 16 years old! Does that make you a veteran video girl? Does your 401K increase with each Conway lace thong you wear to a Gudda Gudda video?

 

And by “be me” she means literally, her breasts will represent her.  The law offices of Areola, Steiner and Landau? As a woman, as a video girl, in court. Wherever. “And Kimbella’s still gonna be Kimbella, and I will check you, just like I did the last time,” Kim says.

The entire situation is fake and half-hearted, at least as far as Erica’s concerned because she can’t even muster a real excuse for why she feels the way she does about Kimbella, although she does allow an “I’m sorry” to pass her lips, saying “If you felt that I was passing judgment on you then I’m sorry, I know what that feels like.” But when it’s all over, she still gets a dig in, saying “Kimbella, I think you and I both know you will never be on my level.” What mythical level is this anyway? If I can be judgey for half a sec, if the dress code for your level is leopard print tank top from DOTS, it can’t be all that great, right?

Over at the club, the perfect storm called Hurricane Chrissy is about to wreak havoc on Miami.

Olivia and Erica are hosting a party, which means worlds are about to collide and fists are about to fly. Yandy comes over to Kim’s hotel but Kim’s not quiiiite ready,

And Yandy shows off her cha cha inspired Miami outfit

Those hands are everywhere!

As coincidence would have it, Kimbella, Yandy and Erica would go to the same club that Chrissy, Olivia, Teairra and Emily are at. The last time that Teairra saw Erica and Kimbella saw them they were throwing glass at each other and Kimbella ran from the cops. Teairra is from Detroit. They’re used to running from the cops, even when they’re running for mayor!

Yandy seems like she wants to enjoy her night without any confrontation. Well, Chrissy threw her some bait, and she ate it all up like the salamander that she is. Chrissy claims that Yandy send a very personal, inappropriate email about Chrissy to Jim. This devolves into more screaming about checks, checks, checks, “Just because I quit don’t mean I’m not gonna make money off him. I still got checks comin’ in, ma, how you feel about that one?”

Yandy and her bedroom body outfit are behaving tack

Chrissy places an angry call to Jim to get down there ASAP or else Chrissy herself “is gonna kill her,” and before Jim can arrive, Chrissy bolts up and kicks Yandy before getting separated from her.

This is only a preview of what Chrissy wanted to do.

 

Punch? How dare you make us out to be so basic? Do we look like Jacki-O? Kicking is where it’s at these days!

But Chrissy and her radar mole are not leaving, she waited 7 years to get married, so waiting an hour for Yandy to leave is like playing double dutch on a nice cool night. As long as no one turns dead, it won’t be a long task at all.  She plants herself outside the club so she can wait for Yandy – drunk Yandy, I think, from the shots she’s been doing all night – and beat the tourettes out of her!

 

 

What were they getting drunk off of? Deer Park water? That’s embarrassing.

After a long night of trash talking and acting invincible, Yandy ends her night leaving through the back exit of the club to escape the wrath of Chrissy The Impaler. Yandy still sticks to “Jim is my family, he’s like a brother to me!” and going so far as to say about Chrissy “Nobody really likes you. Sorry, secret exposed!”  If things weren’t bad then, they’re going to get terrible as soon as Chrissy watches this scene play out at home.

“First of all, I’m too old for the bulls—, but disrespect does not sit well with me,” Chrissy says, probably not realizing that in the next confessional room over, Yandy was just talking about her.

Dead girl walking.

 

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[Recap] Mob Wives; Season 2, Episode 2…

YOU CAN’T HIDE FOREVER DEREK TOBACCO! WE WILL GO TO MARINERS HARBOR PROJECTS AND HUNT YOU DOWN YOU FILTHY ANIMAL!

YES, it was THAT serious!

So last week, we left off with Renee [and her hot little ass] using her blue eyes of future telling predicting that someone would be going over the balcony this week. Karen and Drita, who have not seen each other since the reunion and still have feelings harbored  after their rooftop fist fight, have kept their distance from one another, and here and now at Renee’s celebratory party, they’ve decided to hash things out. New cast member Big Ang [whom I love] was just trying to broker a peace deal, but she’s not ready for a job at the U.N. just yet!

“Listen, this is killing me. I’m not comfortable around you. I cannot live like this,” Drita tells Karen. Drita really seems to feel bad about things and want to reconcile, but Karen brings up the fact that their beef isn’t about Lee, it’s about Drita denying their friendship. “I never said we weren’t friends!” Drita says, but thanks to clever editing, we see a shot of her on the rooftop bar last season shouting at Karen “It’s important to state the fact that I was not your friend!” just before the fists flew.

Listen Karen, when you knew Drita over 15 years ago, things were different! There was no internet, no Twitter, she probably hang out with you because she was bored. Don’t act so pressed!

“What is it? We’re either friends or we’re not friends,” Karen says. “She’s a f—ing coward-ass b—h who can never tell the truth,” that’s what Karen thinks, and despite everyone’s better judgment, she gets into it with Drita (verbally…for now). Among other things (besides the status of the friendship), Karen is also mad that Drita has allegedly been telling people she put Karen in the hospital after their fight, which Drita says she was told. “Usually when I do attack someone,” she explains, “they end up IN. THE. HOSPITAL.”

#SHADE

I love this picture of Big Ang talking to Ramona!

Ramona clearly has tricks up her Conway sleeves, and she’s ready to display her tacky talents to the world.

Karen’s blood is obviously boiling a little and she provokes Drita when she tells her she has to stop herself from going over to Drita’s house every day to confront her. “I’m standing in front of someone who’s acting like Tony Tough Guy,” Drita says. “Why did you tell someone you want to talk to me, when all you wanna do is fight with me?”

Ramona, her sleeves that awful outfit decide they want to be the instigator and peace maker. Ramona distracts Drita with that awful print, while saying slick comments that do not pertain to the conversation.

Drita lands the first hit and you can hear the impact!

Never fear! Derek Tobacco [of the Staten Island Tobaccos?] is here! To some people it looks like he hit Ramona, but he didn’t! Now everyone is on a mission to destroy and kill poor Tobacco!

“How can a man hit a woman?” Karen asks, and Renee asks “I’m so confused at this point, how could anyone accuse Derek of hitting a female?” But Karen and Ramona are out for blood. “My celebration of life party turned into death at a funeral,” Renee says.

Renee is dealing with Drita in a van in the parking lot, trying to convince Drita that the fight wasn’t a setup, that Drita was not invited to the party just to be a target, but Drita is hyperventilating and freaking out and just wants to be left alone.

Ramona says she wants him charcoled! It’s amazing the verbs that can be conjugated nowadays!

Junior and the other fellas plan to kick Derek Tobacco’s ash. Renee says “How can a man hit a woman?” Karen asks, and Renee asks When you see a group of guys who come from my lifestyle all in a huddle, they’re thinking ‘Who the f—’ are we gonna get?’

This goes for all ethnic communities. Some more than others.

They’re led by some random ass girl in a black cocktail dress and the mob [literally] goes looking for Rob. I don’t think things haven ever gotten more real on TV. This supercedes Tami beating the pokemon out of Meeka, Chrissy beating Kimbella up into a blondish weave pulp, and Jim Jones roughing up Somaya Reece’s manager Maurice!

But ….

The next day all of Staten Island is talking about the spray can fight of the century! Ramona tells her friend 

that they never got to sing Happy Birthday or cut the cake! I would be upset too! I love yellow cake with blue frosting!

The next day Karen, Ramona and her Bargain Hunters sweater realize that Derek never hit her! Drita’s punch is that real!

DEREK TOBACCO, I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU ALMOST GOT KILLED. I’m more than sure everyone feels the same! Derek did not even touch Ramona, but that when he realized he didn’t actually do it, Junior apologized to him. So that was nice. “You can’t put two people who hate each other in the same room with alcohol,” Junior tells Renee. He has a point, but am I wrong in thinking the whole night was going okay until Ang tried to make peace in some faraway land?

Drita feels like she was set up. Although she may feel that Renee had nothing to do with it, she states she felt uncomfortable being there by herself. Carla stops by to offer some words of encouragement, and they begin to put the pieces together! Karen and Ramona [or Fatal Attraction and Lucifer as she calls them] probably had this set up for a while now. And to think, things used to be good just a season ago.

Damn.

Renee and Junior meet up to discuss their future; I feel like they do this every time they meet up!  Junior tells Renee that when she was in the hospital, he realized he wouldn’t know what to do without her. Their history is long and complicated and they’ve spent nearly as many years apart as they did together, but Junior tells her “I think we got a shot.”

Don’t hold your breath Renee.

-STAY FLY!

[WRITTEN BY @NICELOOKSEAN]

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Entertainment

[Recap] Mob Wives, Season 2, Episode 1

THE BIG BIG BANG!!! THE REASON I’M ALIVE!!!

It’s been a long, hot summer, but the heat from Mob Wives will make us feel like we’re back in July!

Renee is about to get the body she always wanted! As she states all it’ll take is “a nice body, a hot little ass” and she’s all set. All she wants is the fat to be sucked out, and the fat to be redistributed into her butt [not a hard task, at all]

In true Renee fashion, her anxiety begins to kick in and she starts to second guess the surgery. She thinks about Kanye West’s mother Donda West and how her complications from surgery resulted in death. Usually watching someone experiencing pain, and experiencing  pain yourself is two different emotions, but watching Renee go through this pain makes you feel uneasy!

Renee stated that she was in an uncomfortable position and she wanted to get herself in a comfortable position. While doing so, she accidentally ripped her stitches open. Two weeks later, Renee is under house arrest [nothing illegal, she’s just in severe pain]. Her “true” friends Drita and Karen have been in contact with her but Carla hasn’t spoken to Renee since the morning of her surgery.

“Carla’s lack of support has shown me that she has no respect for me as a friend. All I have to say is f— you, Carla.”

Renee reveals that she’s been suffering from depression for the last 20 years, and her depression has reached a new peak. “I should have just went to the gym”. Really Renee?

Well, Renee decides to see a new psychiatrist and she gives him a rundown of the whole situation.

But her sadness comes in layers. It’s also due to the fact that her relationship with Carla is falling apart, and almost seems non-existent. After hearing what Renee would do to Carla if she got her hands on her, Doc advises Renee to just avoid her.

Drita’s divorce from Lee isn’t final, [far from final] but her main focus seems to be her children, and starting over.

“I married someone who believes in deny till you die,”  Lee isn’t admitting to those hussies he slept with. Regardless of the truth, Drita has her own truth, and she’s playing by her own rules in her own game! Drita is tough as nails, tough Albanian nails, but she’s TERRIFIED on going on a date! However, when it comes to playing the field, Drita is scared to death of going on a date. “Listen, I’m not scared of anything, I don’t fear ten people with bats coming at me, but I think I’m scared s—less to go on a date.” So what do you do when you’re unable to channel your anger?

Take boxing lessons!

Even the boxing instructor is scared of Drita’s punches? She’s taking out her anger on all the incidents of Staten Island who have pissed her off! After her sweaty gym session, she takes poolside with Carla for martinis, and says she’d like to repair her relationships with Karen and lead a better example as a mother.

Personally, Carla is single, no husband, no boyfriend, NOTHING!  She would admit that her ex-husband Joe is a “good looking bastard” but for now, she wouldn’t reunite with him. For now, that is. Unfortunately, for Carla, Renee’s complicated surgery and their monomial to none communication to Carla, is putting a loud [on Renee’s part] strain on their relationship.

“If I would have known that she was in really bad shape, I probably would have called her.”

#SHADETHROWN

 

Karen and Renee are still close and she visits her to show her support in her time of pain. After Renee reveals that she’s depressed, she hates the results of her surgery, and since Renee was in between therapists, Karen takes on the role of temporary shrink. But Karen’s still dealing with her own issues, namely, Drita. Drita sent her a text as a gesture of goodwill, but Karen is just kind of over it. “I know these messages mean nothing, it’s just Drita being phony all over again,” Karen says. “I feel like the b—h tried to hurt me, and to be honest, I want to hurt her,” Karen ominously intones.

Well, who’s hurting who?

 

Ramona is Karen’s close friend since childhood (they call one another “cousin”). If someone has been my close friend since childhood, I’m not going to refer to them as “my cousin” but my “brother, or sister” and she is PRO-KAREN in the mob wife brawl of the century. Ramona has heard rumors that Drita has told people that she “put Karen in the hospital” after their fight and she’s been livid ever since.

Usually when people hear rumors, they’ve usually started the rumor, and they’re just playing the sideline until the momentum begins to build. Ramona is the Yandy of “Mob Wives”

Big Ang has known all of the women for years and, it would seem, has no loyalty to one group over another. She is an equal opportunity mob wife. She’s MOB WIFE certified!

Renee decides to bring everyone together for a celebration of life party, because she’s still alive.EVERYONE is invited, except for me [I don’t know Renee personally, but if we did, I’m more than sure I would be there] and Carla. When Renee calls Drita, Drita agrees that inviting Carla is not the best idea, and she later meets up with Carla to tell her the party is happening but that Renee doesn’t want her there. “Why doesn’t she call me? What is she, twelve?” Carla asks. “She’s a f—in’ bi-polar b—ch. One minute she likes you, one minute she don’t.”

Carla says she wouldn’t have gone to Renee’s stupid party anyway (who’s twelve again in this scenario?) and that their issues are better left for another day.

When Renee spoke to Drita about the party, Drita also mentioned that she’s anxious to see Karen and tells Renee she’s been wanting to have a chat with her. Renee bluntly tells her, “I would prefer that you and Karen stay in your own corners.”

“This party is about fun and life and happiness,” Renee says. But…it turns into a streetfight outside The Staten Island Mall.

As Karen and Drita ready themselves for the party, they both seem to want to be polite and nice and adhere to the “separate corners” rule. On her way to her own party, Renee says that she’s endured enough drama lately and she’s just “praying for a drama-free evening.” When Renee walks in, she makes what seems a pre-rehearsed entrance.

Do your thing girl!

And the first person she makes a beeline for is the one person who was there for her throughout her entire recovery, the person who she says has never been there for her as much as he was in these past couple of months, Junior.

And if you don’t approve of their relationship:

Tensions arise at the party when Renee invites all her girls up to the dance floor and instead of mingling with the likes of Karen and Ramona up there, Drita goes outside. Big Ang tries to broker a deal and asks Drita if she’ll try to resolve things with Karen then and there, even though everyone has been saying all night that it would really be best if these two stay away from each other and talk about their issues another time. WHY DOESN’T ANYONE REMEMBER THAT THAT’S WHAT THE PLAN WAS?

“All of a sudden I see Ramona and Karen headed towards the balcony,” Renee says. “Someone’s going over.”

She’s telling the truth! Someone is going over.

Next week that is

-Stay Fly!