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Jay Z once said, “No matter where you go, you are what you are player/ And you can try to change but that’s just the top layer/ Man, you was who you was before you got here/ Only God can judge me, so I’m gone/ Either love me, or leave me alone.”  Let’s put this into the perspective of the dating world because too often, people are trying to change who they are, or change who their partners are, and it just doesn’t work.

“No matter where you go, you are what you are” – People have a tendency of seeing the potential in someone and falling in love with who they can grow to be. Whether your boo is sitting next to you in church, across from you at your mama’s dinner table, or they’re chopping it up with your friends over drinks, underneath that visually stimulating layer, they are who they are when you’re not there to look over their shoulder. If you know that when you’re not with them that they retreat back to their old ways, don’t ignore it and chalk it up to “bad habits”. It’s like the weather forecast – if all goes as measured, we know what we can predict and then can base our future off the prediction. Wrong! Maya Angelou once said, “”If, someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Stop falling for what they could be, because that’s not who they are.

“You was who you was before you got here” – Before you got with this guy, before you got with this girl, you were who you were. Maybe you talk too loudly. Maybe you spend too much money on shoes. Maybe you really just don’t like watching sports. Maybe you dress sexy when you go out- but shoot, you are sexy and you love it! Yes, compromise is essential for growth in a relationship, but if the fundamentals of YOU are trying to be changed, how much can your partner genuinely  appreciate, respect and love you?

“Either love me, or leave me alone” – boom! The reason that someone would insinuate you need to change any part of you is because they don’t like that part of you. We all have our faults and yes, we all need to mature in one aspect or another, but we should be allowed to change when we are ready to change, not because someone else insists that it is necessary for their happiness. From the simplest requests (think Ben Affleck’s wardrobe “upgrade” given to him by JLo) to the most dramatic (think playboy bunny Holly wanting Hugh Hefner to marry her), a change is requested because there is discomfort; and if your partner is not comfortable with you, why are they with you, or you with them?

It’s not easy to admit that the person you’re in love with isn’t a good fit for you. However, the longer you try and change for them, or try to change them for you, the longer you’re wasting time being with someone who really is that perfect match for your lifestyle. Stop trying to force a square puzzle piece into a hole meant for a circle. It’s ok to admit that it just won’t work. Go find someone who really appreciates the amazing person that is you.

-Stay Fly!

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