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It’s early in the morning and your boss just asked for the report you were supposed to hand in a week ago. Or your classmate just leaned over and asked for the notes from when they were put “sick.” You frown up at both and it’s not because of the request, but because they both have nasty ass breath.
We’ve all had it, and we’ve all smelled it. But there are ways around it—you don’t have to walk around with your breath smelling like week-old hot dog water. Dustin starts with the basics: Brush your damn teeth. Twice a day. Even on the weekends. Make sure your toothbrush bristles are straight and don’t look like they’ve been fighting each other, because at that point you’re basically brushing your teeth with rough toilet paper. Make sure the bristles are stiff and don’t be shy while brushing, get in there and get it done. Just don’t blame us if you walk around with toothpaste stains on your shirt all day.
The next step is to stop skimping on the floss. Make sure you get all of that steak dinner (or tofu, we don’t judge here) out of your teeth, so you’re looking fresh. Wrap it around your fingers a couple of times for added grip and flexibility and get to work.
And please stop rolling up the toothpaste as tight as possible, just buy a new one. Although if you are really that broke, cutting it open will really help you get your money’s worth. (The same goes for lotion.)
Lastly, always have gum on you to cover up whatever is going on in that mouth of yours. You can get away with drinking a six-pack during your lunch break if you chew enough gum. Remember: It’s not what HR knows, it’s what they can prove…and that’s just some grown man sh*t.